Sunday, 14 May 2017
Thank You Sholly
I've been writing this blog for weeks but all in my head. But it sort of makes sense that I'm finally posting it today. Mother's Day.
It's just me thanking Sholly for everything I've learned, started doing, and become since she's been gone. Because she's gone.
In church today I was struck by the fact that it's been only five months. I feel like it's been a lifetime. And sitting there I just felt overwhelmed again. And with that feeling came this heavy cloud of sadness having to deal with my first ever Mother's Day without having Sholly to call.
But blogging, writing has always been my "Go to" when I feel the way I'm feeling. Out of sorts. Scared. Confused. Sad. Angry. It's funny though because I had the best day ever yesterday. Starting with my time with the women at the well and rounding off with family time at a family wedding. So I was feeling so thankful but somewhere something shifted and refused to shift so I'm popping a 'blog pill' to pick up my mood.
Yes, cos life is too short to be blue. That's one of the chief things Sholly has taught me. Sure, life is a female dog sometimes but when I remember that every moment spent in any negative head space can't be bought back; when it hits me I'm wasting precious time my sister no longer has...... God uses it to help me re-jig my brain settings. I jump back into positive mode. I must. And you must too. Trust me, depression is from the devil. They even both start with 'D'. Thank you Sholly.
Second thing Sholly has given me is another platform via which I can truly be Salt - The Sholly Adefolalu Gaska Foundation. I was just reading Omilola Oshikoya's The Richer Woman and she talks about how God uses broken vessels to bring forth beautiful things. There is no doubt, I'm a broken vessel. Becoming Salt was the outcome of being smashed to bits by life years ago but Sholly's death? It's been breaking on another level but as bad as the pain is it feels better every time her Foundation touches a life; creates a smile. Like her smile. Thank you so much Aburo. Thank you.
Holding on to hurt is a waste of my head and heart space. I won't do it. Letting people go is something else I'm doing better. Faster too. Because I am not guaranteed my next breathe. Sholly was here on December 24. December 28? Gone. Just like that. I believe she was ready. I want to be too. Ah no, I've run my Christian race too long to miss heaven because of some quarrel or misunderstanding over a matter that probably won't matter on my deathbed. That vex you are vexing? Think about it. Will it really matter if you found out you had one day to live? Or that the other person was dying?
Finally, Shola has taught me to stop trying to justify myself before man. It's not 'wert' it. It won't work. In 12 days, I'll be 49. Wow! I lived 10 whole years longer than my own mom. Thank God because not only will I outlive her I shall also refuse to do what she did. I shall refuse to let the thoughts of man send me to an early grave. Sholly, while 12 years younger than me was so wise. She would say:
"Bola, You raised me. You are raising three great kids. If God's not pleased. Let Him tell you. Because He's your Boss. No one else".
And there you have the last reason why I'm thanking Sholly. She was my forever Cheerleader. Even when I shared my deepest, darkest secrets, she never judged me. Now, I know why. Clearly, God hired her for me. Because He knew that apart from teaching my Young 12 year old heart to love, she would also teach my 48 year old heart to live. Not just beat.
Thank you Sholly. I miss you more than words can describe.
Still, thank you Aburo Mi Owon.
at May 14, 2017
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