Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Henceforth, Let No Man Say Unto Salt

I was very proud of myself at work today.

In line with my post Woman Cry Out decision, when people said 'Sorry for your loss or Sorry about your sister' to me today, I smiled instead of sighing and refused to allow my face to crest-fall. (Is that a real word? 😊).

I smiled and said. "It's fine. Please don't be sorry. My sister rests".

You see, I don't want you to feel sorry for my loss anymore. Sholly is with Jesus so I've really only gained one more heavenly connection. Now, I have a whole three connections up there. Like my colleague Busola said "I wo nikan tan. You are heavily heavenly connected". I laughed. Even now, I smile as I remember. It sounds so cool.

I'd been waiting for WCO since December 29. It's one prayer conference where I always, always, meet God. I knew He would be waiting for me there as the Balm in Gilead. I knew that the kind of anguished wailing I needed to break through into a new season could only be done there. Anywhere else and people would be afraid.  People of God, I wept my heart and eyes out.  And God held me and let me. He comforted me and took away the 'need' to be sad that had crept into me without me even knowing. 

And people seeing me, sighing and telling me sorry fed that need. All through the day, I would go about being OK, doing life and then someone would come up to me and tell me 'Ah, heard about your sisters. So sorry' and boom! I had permission to regress into that warm sad place. It would take me about 30 minutes to get over it the point where I could move on but that day would pretty much be over. Because grief had become my master and I was its slave. No! It had to stop.

It was not people's fault. It was mine but thanks be to God who always gives me victory! I left the WCO venue knowing that I had been loosed and this is why I come today to say:

'Henceforth, let no man say unto Salt "I'm sorry for your loss"

I've not lost Sholly. I know exactly where she is. She's up in Heaven blissing on with my mom and my Papa, my Prof. It feels so good to be so sure. I pray we all live such that our loved ones will be sure too when we move on from this side of eternity to the next. This is why, as I close,  I am asking you for one favour.

If you really want to help me, I ask that you yearn with all your heart after the God I hope you have seen in me through all of this. It has not been easy. There have been times I have wanted to curse people. For real. But God restrained me by telling me not to hinder His own judgment. So I chilled. It hurts but God continues to hold my broken heart in place and strengthen me every day by showing me mercy and love. It is this God I ask you to seek and make your priority.

Now, THAT, I would love. 



My Heavenly Connection
All is Well. 

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