Monday, 27 February 2017
Now, Healing Can Begin...
I had my doubts about how I would feel after the Service of Songs and the Celebration of my sister's Beautiful Life. I feared that not being given the chance to see her, hug her one last time and say my farewells would prevent my heart from accepting that it was time to allow healing begin.
But I was wrong. Thank God.
Yes, thank you PapaGod for demonstrating how powerful celebrating and honoring our loved ones can be. You see, as deep as my hurt is; as broken as my heart is and as devastated as I am about Sholly passing what pained me even more was how she was treated in death.
How Kuba could treat Sholly, a woman he claimed to love the way he did baffles me. I refuse with every fiber in me to believe that 'that's how the Polish people are'. No, an entire country can't be cold, selfish and heartless. There is something fundamentally wrong with Kuba and his family. And I want to believe there are some of his country people who have heard of this story and know deep in their hearts that something is just not right about all this.
Anyway, I digress. Sholly deserved better than the Gaska family gave her. She deserved to be celebrated for who she was and the joy she brought to many. Those who loved her and had been touched by her life deserved an opportunity to come together to celebrate her young yet impactful life.
And that's what, to the shame of the devil and the glory of God, we achieved on Wednesday, February 22, 2017. And I'm so thankful to God right now. Because, even though I cried myself to sleep that night, contrary to my fears, I actually did wake up the next day feeling lighter. The pain in my heart, while still there was less suffocating.
The sights and sounds of that evening at the City of David; Sholly's smiles on the screen; the carefully selected and symbolic songs and hymns had taken the place of the images in my head of my sister being sent off in silence to be cremated all alone like she had no one. Came from nowhere. Was never loved.
Righting that wrong brought me peace and for the first time I was able to sincerely invite God in to begin our journey towards healing. I took my time to plan this service; every bit of it and while it didn't go 100% as planned I feel blessed especially as everyone that attended that has spoken to me has said the ceremony was beautiful. Just like my Sholly.
It's still tough and I still cry everyday but I feel the healing going on inside me. I'd like to encourage you to celebrate the people in your life deserving of same. You don't have to wait till they are gone.
Celebrating our loved ones is good and even though Sholly has gone home, honoring her helped me tremendously so imagine how you will feel doing same for loved ones you still have here with you.
As I heal, please be assured that I'll also continue to chase after the truth.
Healing is one thing, closure is another. For closure, my family and I need to know what really happened to Sholly.
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