Wednesday, 11 May 2016

30 Years is a long time to not have a mom

in loving memory of my mom, Monisola Bakare Adefolalu
August 1945 to May 1986
 I was startled a little when this morning I did the Maths and realized  it had been 30 years since my mom passed. I am not sure why but I just felt stunned. How is that possible and more importantly how had I coped? I was just about to turn 18 years old when she died and now I am just about to turn 48. I was a girl then and now I am a  full grown woman, wife and mom myself. In fact, if I squint long enough I can see '50' looming over the mountains. *smiling*

But the truth is 30 years is a long time to not have a mother....so thankfully I may not have had MY mother but I have had and still do have mothers or shall we say mother figures. Yes, all through the years after my mom, Monisola Bakare Adefolalu died, God did what only He does best. He became my Mother. Yes, God has been my mother and He has been awesome at it. Today, as I remember my mom, I just want to thank some of the women through whom He has mothered me. 

Aunty Silifa, Mama Banco: I cannot think of any major event in my life that She has not featured in. She is my mom's junior sister and she has gone over and beyond the call of duty to be there for me and mine. I will always love you Aunty Silifa.

My mother-in-love, the woman we all call Nana. This woman was so wonderfully nice, that she scared me. Lol! My sister and I used to joke that she could not be real and that the joke would soon be up. Nana, thank you for proving us wrong. I will always cherish my memories of your love and care for me as a young wife and mom. I don't know how I would have coped without you. 

The one and only Mamandant, Mrs. Grace Adefolalu. What a force to be reckoned with! Her life and many testimonies supported my Faith growth. Her wardrobe supported by Fashion growth. Mamandant (a name my dear Uncle Joe coined for her being the wife my Uncle, the Army Commandant)  has one of the biggest hearts I know. She was and I am sure still is a woman who made things happen. She enriched my growing up years. There is no doubt about it.

My Aunty Anire Adefolalu, my Ishekiri Aunty that I love so much. She had spunk! She married my favourite Uncle in the whole wide world and so I loved her automatically. But it would have been difficult not to. Till today, she is still the caring woman I lived with at a time in my life when it was all about me. I had no clue and she made no fuss. I remember being in my own home years later and wondering how on earth she coped with my bad behaviour. But she did. I was quite the brat. Having to deal with 'brats' of my own......her patience I could not match. Life is such a boomerang. What you give, you will surely get. Thank you Aunty for giving me support and patient love.

Mrs. Grace Adindu. She was the Head of the cleaning team at my first job. Such a loving, soft spoken woman who more or less adopted me from the moment we met. I remember being pregnant for my FBS how she would go buy me eba and okro from Ehingbeti near our office at Apongbon. That was my craving: Okro soup and ponmo. Don't ask. And iced cold milk in a Mallam mug. Mrs. A, as we called her, always made sure they appeared at the right time. Just before I started shaking like a junkie in need of a fix. Lol! Love you Mrs. A and I pray God sends you a special blessing for all you were to me back then.

Mummy Otuyelu. She was the Mother of the Day at my wedding. That shows what she means to me. I rarely see her these but I hope she knows how much her care for me all those years back meant to me. She gave me my very first Jacquard Iro and Buba. I needed it for Olamide Phillips Ibitoye's' traditional wedding. For my two first births, this woman will bring basically a whole provision store to my house as a gift. God bless you Ma. Thank you.

Miss you both so much.
My Aunty 'Me-Me' Mercy Croffie. This is part of the family that makes me part Ghanaian. I think what I liked the most about her when I met her was her simplicity. And her Jollof rice. Lol! Seriously though, she has, since I met her, always had a soothing word for me; always encouraging me. You know how you feel someone is just 'on your side' even though you have no hard core evidence? That's how I feel about my Aunty Me-Me. Thank you Aunty Mercy for making me feel this way.

Please join me in honouring my mom, Monisola by celebrating these Salt Magnolias in my life. Pray for them for me. And then think back over your life and pray over all the women who have been there for you too starting with your own mom. And then pray that you and I will be like the above women to some other younger ones coming behind us. That some day, one 40+ woman will sit back thinking over her life and thank you for being a 'mom' to her.

Because, I promise you,  30 years is a really long time to not have a mother....

If you don't have such women in your life.

I am so happy and give God my highest for ensuring that THAT was not my portion.





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