Saturday, 20 February 2016

Forgiveness Does Not Mean Renewed Relationship

In my four decades plus of living, I can count on just one hand the people that have hurt me deeply.
I mean deep like had I the power I would banish them from the face of the earth and then bring them back and then banish them again to hell. On one hand. 

Sure, people have hurt my feelings, bruised my ego, attempted to crush my self esteem, spoken evil about me, tried to wreck my marriage, held me back from things they believed I didn't deserve, turned their backs on me in my time of need for their own reasons. but I am not talking about those people. People like that? I've gotten over them and their deeds/misdeeds.  Grace helped me. I refused to continue drinking poison hoping one or some of them would drop dead. Yes, over time, I have forgiven them all and in some cases have also resumed relationships where possible.

But the other set of people? The ones  I'm counting on my one hand? While Grace has helped me to forgive them. I'm still waiting for it to convince me to resume any relationship with them. In fact, in two of the cases I'm certain even Christ himself would advice I stay clean away from the people in line with his 'if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out' teaching. For me, forgiving someone  does not always mean renewed relationship! 

That you forgive the man who tried to rape and kill you does not mean you will take him out to lunch when he gets out of jail! That you forgive that cousin that did all she could to ruin your life by her consistent verbal abuse and maltreatment does not mean you should have her be a part of the life you now have inspite of her efforts! That you are not holding a grudge and have truly dealt with the anger you had against someone does not mean your relationship needs to be renewed. Can it? Yes. Must it? Personally, I don't think so. 

And for those five people I count on my one hand! As many times as I remember, when I'm giving offering to God or paying my tithes or praying, I ask God to check my heart for any trace of angst. Am I still hot mad at them? Do I still want them banished to hell? Do I want everything they do and touch to fail? Do I want God to pay them back? My answer to these questions is always 'No'. For I know where I'm coming from too. But for God, I'd deserve same and more. As God has forgiven me, I want Him to forgive them and I have too. As God is helping me, He should help them too. Oh! And as God loves me (Oh! How He loves me!) I want them to know His Love too.

But one thing is certain. as I am today, being of sound mind and body...

I don't want a renewed relationship with them. 

And that's my final answer. And that's me walking in my truth. 


Poster courtesy of someone on Facebook. I can't recall now. Lol! 


  1. There is an expression which says, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." In other words, when we have been greatly hurt by someone, it's on our own head if we renew the relationship, and are hurt again. It is actually practicing wisdom to forgive but NOT renew the relationship.

  2. Fully agree! Love that saying too. Thanks for sharing Anonymous.

  3. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
    I once heard a pastor reacting along the same lines of this post and it was just what I needed at time.


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