Thursday, 20 August 2015
I'm Doing My Crying In My Room
I woke up this way. Tearful.
I'm super thankful. And super grateful. But my eyes won't stop filling with tears.
It's getting to me now. The stress of traveling, holding my breath as they weigh our luggage (please PapaGod, don't let it be over the allowed kg!), shopping for school, logging heavy bags off and on to trains, meeting new people, smiling at new people, being brave for Only Princess, being calm for Only Princess, forming strong for Only Princess and of course trying not to spark at Only Princess when once again she frets about something totally out of her control...it's all getting to me now. Bottom line? I'm tired. Being mom can be physically and emotionally exhausting sometimes and these past few days has been one of those times. I'm drained. But in a grateful, teary way.
My mom was the quintessential mom. This would have been a blast for her. She would have loved to see me go off to college in the States. She would have loved to travel with me, log around my bags and make small talk with dozens of people with a smile only she could smile. But she didn't get that chance. She wasn't dead when I started university. That happened a year later. It's just that I didn't go to school in the States. I went to a great school here in Nigeria but my point is this: on my side of the family, my daughter is the first woman to go to college in the States and a very good one at that. One where people say 'Grace' before meals, every where you go you are reminded about your faith and God and the Holy Spirit are not swear words. Yes, I'm exhausted and tearful but I bet my mom (and my Papa for that matter) are dancing up there in Heaven. And knowing this helps me smile through my tired tears.
My eyes are leaking also for my country. I'm on a campus with an environment that simply takes my breath away. I was saying jokingly to my daughter that studying in a place like this? "The knowledge will just be going straight to your brain'. Lakes and lawns: the Basillica, the Fountain; Churches and statues.....you are just inspired to inhale God's Beauty!I'm raving. I know but I bet Hajara Pitan will get what I'm saying. Lol! And once upon a time....we had such back home. At least Ife, if I remember right was just as lovely. And Bobby Udoh is right, when we come out to these places and see all these things working....we really ought to go back home and do our own bit to transform our country. Even if if means you just refusing to drive one way or litter. We all have dreams of Nigeria working but we've got to wake up and make our dreams come true. The Government might be Santa but we are the elves....
Anyway, my daughter had a dream to come to Notre Dame. I'm so grateful to God for honouring her faith. That we are here is purely a God thing. I know what I'm talking about. And it's because I know that most of my tears are in true gratitude to God. He is truly my family's Source. Our Benefactor. Our All-Sufficient Sponsor. He knows my Only Princess so well, He could not have picked a better school for her. I know she will thrive here. For He who kicked off this good thing in her life is able and willing to complete it.
So yes, I'm crying but mostly because I don't know why God loves me so...but I'm so glad He does.
Please let this post inspire you to lean on God. With Him nothing is impossible. This is not a spiri-cliche. It's Truth.
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