Saturday, 25 October 2014

In Helping Another, Your Help Comes.

Preye Omayuku's 'Bow Down' remix blaring loudly in my room is all that is keeping me sane right now. An hour ago, I was mad as hell. I'm not anymore. Just strangely calm. Because once again I have experienced how close God is and how attentive. And responsive.

I just got a phone call from a young lady who had read One Plus The One's 'Married and Loving It' blog. She connected with me on Twitter. She needed counsel. I gave her my number. So she called me this morning and as I listened to her I honestly thought it was some sort of set-up. Why? Because the issue she had brought to me to help her with is one I still struggle with myself. In fact, it was part of why I was so angry earlier on!  This young lady, married for a little over 5 years feels her hubby 'hides' behind his masculinity using it as an excuse to lock her out his life. I must confess. If there is one statement that grinds my gears it is the one where you try to tell me you are not sharing things with me 'to protect me' or 'so I will not worry'. People of God, I can't explain how that makes me feel. Especially when I'm am one of those who will tell you if 'two flies just flew in front of me crashing into themselves!'. 

 I truly don't get why men think this way. The whole point of marrying is to have someone to go through the mountains and valleys of life with. To share your deepest, darkest secrets and anxieties with. How do we help you, pray for you, support you when we don't know what's eating you up inside? I appreciate your loving me and wanting to protect me but surely I'm not a china doll and even if I am, my God is not and it's Him we,Christian wives take all your issues to so why keep them to yourself? I ranted o! Poor lady, sure she was wondering how far. *smiling*. I eventually pulled myself together because I sensed that her main worries were a tad different. Her fear was that her hubby was playing around and that was why his 'communication' with her was now 'off'. He wasn't like this before she said. He shared everything with me, she said. Why has he changed, she asked. What do I do, she wanted to know.  

I took a deep breathe, asked God for wisdom and did these three things.

1. I calmed her down. I tried my best to allay her fears (which on further questioning turned out to be base-less. My rule is never buy any devilish lie about your spouse from your own head or sold by a 3rd party. Anything you need to know, God will ensure you find out yourself. Till then, live above 'The Trust Line'.).

2. I  shared how she could let hubby know how his behavior makes her feel encouraging her to use 'I' statements this time  over 'You' ones. For example, 'I feel like I'm not a part of the important things of your life' as opposed to 'You are not communicating with me! You are keeping things from me! You are locking me out of your life!' which is more or less how we all tend to go about these things. God will help us some more.

3.  And finally, we prayed for 'Peace of Mind' and for God's Grace and Love to abound even more in both their hearts. Honestly, if spouses would truly love as a God loves ........

As I dropped the call, I had to wonder at the timing of it all. But then again is that not how God works sometimes? He helps us deal with our stuff by sending us out to help others deal with theirs. I love Him so. Is there anything you would have told my sister above that I didn't? Do share here. I told her I would do this blog so I believe she will come check it out. So, your sincere, heartfelt, prayerfully considered advice is super welcome! 


  1. I can't explain how much this helping another is true in my life...
    I have the gift of encouragement,i know that and what God does is that He sends someone with issues that I am grappling with for me to counsel! Ah! What do I know?
    But I have found that that it is in counseling that words spring out in me that I never knew were there. As I speak to the person, I speak to myself.its awesome really. I always smile to god when this happens and it happens all the time! Hah! This our God! :-)

    Loved your feature on Ayo's blog too. More grace ma'am!

    Frances Okoro

    1. Isn't God just The Best? I'm so happy to get a witness in you Frances. Thank you. We really can be so into ourselves sometimes but God helps us be more He is.
      And in the end, we are blessed too.

    2. I mistakenly hit the 'reject' button instead of publish so had to copy and paste your comment from my mail. Just in case you were wondering. Lol!

  2. This is so real and the counsel practical. Our sister can also pray to God for grace to continue to love him and 'give' him even when she not getting this back right now, because, it is more blessed to give than to receive. Also she should pray for the grace to 'forgive upfront' and keep praying for him with Psalms 121:5-7;Psalms 112: 6-8, hubby may be under a lot of pressure from work.
    Emodamori A. Precious (Mrs.)
    I live a full life...


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