|Thank you Robin Williams.|
Hopefully, you are at peace now.
Thursday, 14 August 2014
Thank you Robin Williams
I just sat there listening to her as she shared and wept. To be honest, I was not in a very good place myself from the stress of life but I could not turn her away so I let her speak. Moreover, it was a relief to take my mind off myself for a while and put it on someone else. She was fed up she said. She had come to the end of herself she said. She was tired of living with someone who only made her feel bad about herself she said. True, she said, she felt bad all by herself but she did not need anyone else helping her organize her pity parties. She said all this and much more and I just listened. I really did not know what to say to her.
I have heard so many times and read it in so many places that we should not allow negative people remain in our space. About how we should distance ourselves from those who make us feel bad about ourselves because they know our deepest darkest secrets. My question to all these people is 'what if the person who makes you feel so bad about yourself is your spouse? Do you just up and leave the marriage?'. This is what this my person had come to ask me (again) and I had no answer for her that she would like. This is not the first time we are talking about this. So once again, as I always do I asked her the only question I know to ask to bring back some form of perspective. 'Do you love your husband?'. Blowing her nose, she responded, 'You know I do but there is a very thin line between love and hate and I am stepping back and forth over this line. How can someone who says he loves me be so rude and mean to me. He is eroding my belief in myself. I hate that I have given one human being so much power over my emotions! Life has no meaning. At least if I had kids, I would focus on them but I am all alone. I told her she was not alone. She had me albeit thousands of mile away at the other end of a phone call.
You know were she not so distraught I would have told her what I sensed. She was angrier at herself than at anybody else, her husband included. I will still tell her anyway but yesterday was not a good time to throw that in there. So I let her cry some more and some how God heard my prayer and His spirit came upon her and we just somehow drifted to the death of Robin Williams. How many of us are just like him dealing with our issues and hidden demons while to the person looking at us from the outside, we are smiling and having the time of our lives. My friend for instance? To see her, you would never know the weight she carries in her heart. Oh! The masks we wear! Till his death, I would never have imagined Robin Williams to be suicidal. Never. My sister-in-love Audrey said she suspected it somehow, somehow. Tears came to my eyes when I heard he had died but they did not course down my cheeks. But when I heard he had hung himself? Ah, I wept. What if in the last moment he changed his mind? But there was no one there to lift him up and take the weight off the noose round his neck! What kind of demons would push a person to do that? Honestly? The kinds living in many of us. But you know what sets us apart from people like Robin? What stops us from actually jumping off the cliff that is calling our names? Our relationship with God.
My sistafriend said as we ended our call that we should really be thankful to Robin Williams because he has shown us once again how blessed we are to know God. The only difference in how he handled his demons and how we cope with ours is our relationship with a God we know loves us unconditionally. She is right. I shared something on my Facebook some days ago about this whole fear of Ebola matter. The panic or fear we exhibit will be inversely proportional to how much God we have in us. The more God in us, the less our fear. If you don't know God by yourself and trust Him in this season we are in? Hypertension beckons.
Dear Robin Williams, thank you for all the many, many laugh out loud moments you gave me. Thank you for showing us all again how fragile life really is. But most of all, thank you for reminding me and my sistafriend that as long as God loves us, we are not helpless. Nor Hopeless. At the end of the day, it is what He thinks of us that matters the most.
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