Friday, 7 March 2014

Lessons Learned From My Papa, My Prof's Sunset

Experienced it, Learned atuff,
Documented it. Shared it.
Hope YOU learn from it..

First of all, forgive me I still have issues referring to my Papa  using the 'd' word in any shape or form. I also still have issues with the other word that begins with 'b'. So my papa did not 'd**. His sun just set. I did not just  plan and live through his 'b****'. We just had a wonderful send-forth for an amazing man. For now, that's how I deal with it. 

So why am I here today? To share lessons I have learned through all of it.  Is this my way of getting closure? No, it is not. I am not sure how or if I will ever get closure. Strange but true, I am crying more now than before. Call me a wuss but that's my truth. I doubt you can help me so don't even try. Let's just leave me in God's care.  In times like these, He is enough. The bottom line is I am allowing my life to go on. And one way I am doing this is by sharing the below with you so please read. Slowly not scanning. Deliberately. Concentrating. Like your very life depended on it. It does not but just humour me. OK? Thanks.

Lesson 1
Be Prepared. Whether you like it or not, your parents' sun will set.

This is especially true if, like me, you are the first born.  I doubt you can ever be ready emotionally but please do all you can NOW to be ready financially. Save for it or take out one of those insurance policies that cover such (Till this season, I did not even know such existed b ut apparently they do). There is nothing more heart wrenching than knowing what you WANT to do to send your parent off but knowing what you can AFFORD and realising that money is an issue. So be prepared. Save for it. If however, there are 7 of you and you are the youngest  then ......I am jealous of you but in a good way. 

Lesson 2

I have said this over and over and I will say it again. No matter what your bone of contention is, IT IS NOT WORTH IT! Let the bone go. My Papa and I were sweet when his sun set but still till TODAY, I still regret the time we spent in our cold war! How come? I don't know but I just do. All those days! Wasted being upset when I could have been creating more memories to remember now. So please, especially if it is a parent,  let love flow over the offense. Yes, I agree, they did you bad. Yes, I agree, they did evil stuff to you. But my love, still call. All you need do is call. What you will say will come to you. Just make that call or that visit trusting God to help you. He will. 

Lesson 3
Never EVER trust the arm of flesh.

I will not lie cos I try never to cos I don't want to go to hell. I really counted on getting so much support from a particular group of people  but I think I 'over-counted'. Not their fault. Mine. My Bible tells me over and over not to do that but I did anyway. God had to teach me a lesson. He did not send me help through them. He sent me help via other, non-expected people. I am not talking about funds. I am talking about support worth much than money. God sent me people I would not have even thought of calling. Today, I am not even hurt. I am grateful. Indeed my help came from my PapaGod via unusual suspects. I could mention names but I am love like my PapaGod. I am not into making anyone uncomfortable. Bottom line? In this life, make God your source of help because he is the only one who is always able and always willing to help  you. God never disappoints. Hand over heart, I am not upset with anyone because I know that had God placed it in your heart to be by my side, you would have. End of discussion.

Lesson 4
Life Sucks Sometimes But Good Can Come From Bad

Without going into details, I wanted to kill somebody on Friday, 28th of February. That someone was the vendor in charge of the major aspects of my Papa's Lying in State. He let us down big time. Yes, I wanted to kill him. But I did not. After ALL my mgm and I had gone through to make everything just sublime, for some reason, God allowed this person mess us up. See how I say 'God allowed'? I say that because I REFUSE to admit that some mere mortal has the power to mess me up. No one has that power except God gives it to them. Why would God give them that power? In my case,  to teach me that good CAN come from chaos. Like my Papa said to me after  the service when I tried to apologise for all the chaos: Relax Bola,  it is more memorable this way! NOW, you will ALWAYS remember my wake-keeping service! Only my dad would see the funny in our story, I knew it was him immediately. I also learned to chill when things are so out of control, you just need to chill  and trust God.

Lesson 5
You can be controlled by God's Spirit. IF you want.

Some woman chose to insult me at the reception of my Papa's send-forth. She sat there eating food I had paid for, drinking drinks I had provided but still she chose to insult me. I chose to be controlled by God. It was so hard. Till last night, I was still playing back and forth in my head ALL the things I could have,  should have, said to her. But I did not. THAT could only have been the God in me. I did not feel like obeying God. I just did. I chose to. So can you. Each and every time the devil comes to poke his finger in your face. Choose God. All the time. Lesson Learned. It is doable. Even right now, I don't know how I kept my mouth shut. But I did. So can you.

Lesson 6
Death is truly TRULY final

Just in case you are still doubting it.  Most of the tears I am still crying are because I am realising that my Papa, my Prof will NEVER send me another text. Call me. I will never hear his voice, see his face for real. It makes me regret every time I could and did not make it happen. So you, if you can, go do it. Now. Pick up your phone and call. Pick up your car keys and go.

Lesson 7
Family, Love & Photos Are All  that matter

Who do you call family? List them and then just go love them. Please. Love them like God loves you. Unconditionally. Practically. Period. Oh and take loads of Photos. You will be glad you did. Make sure you have a photo of yourself and everyone you call family and you love.

There you have it, all my lessons learned. One thing I also learned all over again but have not stated above is that I have a truly, really mighty good man (mgm) for a husband. If you know my hubby and have a way to contact him, do tell him I said so. *smiling*

To God alone be all the glory!


  1. Wow! Thanks Big Sis for sharing these lessons with us. I recently became very aware of my parents/ grandma's frailty and as I watch my great grandma take on a child like stance, I see It's a total role reversal, she needs to be cared for from her waking moment till she sleeps like a new infant. We often don't realise or plan for our parents home going. Thanks for these tips. Gracias Muchos.

  2. @eloxie: I always feel blessed when anything I say opens the eyes, mind or spirit of a reader for good. Thank you dia.

    PapaGod, thenk you. In and through it all, I thank you.

  3. @salt ma! Hmmm, lesson learnt...indeed for your dad "It was not death that killed this one; it was [his] Lord that came for [him]"- Gbile Akanni @eloxie you spoke well

  4. @Gbenga: Thank you for that. I love that. True. Death had nothing on my Papa. He was taken by God....God bless you for coming by, O se ganni!


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