Sunday, 9 February 2014

How? Who? Why? And Other Questions.


How do you get over losing a loved one? I am not sure why but knowing that my Papa, my Prof is no longer a call or an sms away is one of the hardest realities I have had to face in recent times. I have had some people tell me to  'get over it quickly' and it takes all I have in me to not ask them sarcastically 'how quickly?'. I mean, how do I get over my dad's passing quickly especially when he has been there for me, as earthly mom and dad since I was eighteen? How do I do 'quickly'? As I sit here typing these words, my heart is broken in a zillion pieces and every fibre of my being is in pain. How could planning your home-going be so fraught with this much pain Papa? How do I cope with all this?

Who,on this God-given earth, do I call Papa now? Who will stand by and support me unconditionally now? Prof, you were my number one supporter and even when I hurt you, you never turned your back on me. You never said a mean word to me. True, in my younger days, you did 'disown' me at least five times and looking back I see now that your anger in those times was never about you. It was always about me not fully understanding my role as first born. I just wanted to be free to be me and party. You wanted me to be responsible. So now, who will I buy ogi to make eko for now? Who will I share news about the factory and ICE and the issues we are having with? Who will call/sms me at midnight on my birthday and wedding anniversary now? Who will I call Papa now?

Why must planning a burial in our culture be such an emotionally draining slash bizarre experience? I sat there wondering if my ears were hearing right. Are we planning to say farewell to someone who died or are we planning for something else? Like maybe a fiesta or a feast for all or perhaps a bazaar even. Still, peace be still to my heart and mind for I understand it could have been worse. I just thank God for my Uncle James who was almost as scandalised as I was and helped us push back as required. Why do people seem to look at you and forget that you must be hurting and just want you to be 'reasonable' about everything. My papa is dead. I cannot be reasonable because my emotions are all over the place. Why can't people see this and cut me some slack? Perhaps there are people out there who can be 'automatically ' objective about it all but I am not one of them. I need to be allowed to go off in an emotion-laden tangent. Eventually, in my own time, my common sense will take over the reins from my emotions and reason will prevail. Why people say they care but do everything possible to hurt you? Why do such people then think saying sorry is enough? Why do I feel so alone in the midst of so many people? Why has this blog taken this turn?

How? Who? Why? All these questions.....I guess the answers my dear one are blowing in the wind.

Nevertheless, there is one question I know the answer to. Who loves me unquestionably?

My PapaGod. 

And He, it is, that has gone ahead of me to make all that concerns my Papa, my Prof's home-going perfect and beautiful. It may all look like  a blur now but I am God-fident that all is well. So Papa, keep resting in peace. God has got our back as Eloho says to me all the time. Yes, God has got my back even if I don't know the answers to all these questions.



6 comments:

  1. My sis, God has surely got your back. You will never 'get over' the loss of your Dad and so don't let anyone try to feed you any psycho mumbo-jumbo in that respect. All that will happen is that in the space of time, He that is our Comforter will strengthen you and help you to keep on keeping on. When I first got your text about the passing of your Dad, the same sets of questions I see you now asking on this page are the questions that came to my mind. Even with still having both my parents alive, the mere thought os losing them near paralyzes me. Even though its not like we see and talk every single day, there is a mental stability that goes with knowing they are always there for me to reach out to. I imagined that for you to have lost the one person who has indeed been both mum and dad to you all these years, would come with an even more heightened sense of helplessness than I could ever imagine. Grieve, mourn and hurt sis...you have lost something great and that is the truth. You would be less than human to do any less. But as you do so, keep looking up sis. Keep looking up! Thank God that you know our true Father. Remember He said He will be the father to the fatherless. Receive His love in even greater measure sis. Feel HIs arms enfold and hold you close. He is the One you will now call. He is the One you will now ask your questions. Indeed....He has always been, remember?

    Dont allow the funeral planning issues to weigh you down sis. It is a lack of understanding on the part of the many ignorant - educated and otherwise, that we have to contend with at such times. Let the Lord be your peace. If you dont anchor on Him, you will be annoyed, frustrated and doubly hurt by the antics of men at this time.

    The Lord is your Sun and your Moon sis. He is your Shield and Comfort. He is your Source, your Provider and Your protector. Look up sis and FOCUS ON HIM ALONE! He is more than able to bring you through. He will help you through all this sis. He surely will.

    Sorry I have not seen you yet. I am out of the country until the last week of this month. I am hugging you big time sis. Big time. It is so well with you.

    Love

    Dee

    ReplyDelete
  2. My sis, God has surely got your back. You will never 'get over' the loss of your Dad and so don't let anyone try to feed you any psycho mumbo-jumbo in that respect. All that will happen is that in the space of time, He that is our Comforter will strengthen you and help you to keep on keeping on. When I first got your text about the passing of your Dad, the same sets of questions I see you now asking on this page are the questions that came to my mind. Even with still having both my parents alive, the mere thought os losing them near paralyzes me. Even though its not like we see and talk every single day, there is a mental stability that goes with knowing they are always there for me to reach out to. I imagined that for you to have lost the one person who has indeed been both mum and dad to you all these years, would come with an even more heightened sense of helplessness than I could ever imagine. Grieve, mourn and hurt sis...you have lost something great and that is the truth. You would be less than human to do any less. But as you do so, keep looking up sis. Keep looking up! Thank God that you know our true Father. Remember He said He will be the father to the fatherless. Receive His love in even greater measure sis. Feel HIs arms enfold and hold you close. He is the One you will now call. He is the One you will now ask your questions. Indeed....He has always been, remember?

    Dont allow the funeral planning issues to weigh you down sis. It is a lack of understanding on the part of the many ignorant - educated and otherwise, that we have to contend with at such times. Let the Lord be your peace. If you dont anchor on Him, you will be annoyed, frustrated and doubly hurt by the antics of men at this time.

    The Lord is your Sun and your Moon sis. He is your Shield and Comfort. He is your Source, your Provider and Your protector. Look up sis and FOCUS ON HIM ALONE! He is more than able to bring you through. He will help you through all this sis. He surely will.

    Sorry I have not seen you yet. I am out of the country until the last week of this month. I am hugging you big time sis. Big time. It is so well with you.

    Love

    Dee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like I said to you in my mail.....this made me cry....but in a good way. Thank you. Yes, I am doing my all to keep my focus on God. My chief prayer in these times is for self control because I have lost my cool many times. I don't want to anymore. Truthfully? I don't have the energy sef..... God bless you Sis. God bless you.

      Delete
  3. The Lord, He is your help in this time of need. Remain strong. Shalom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God is helping me Richard. But for Him......

      Delete
  4. The Lord is your strength and comfort. He will always be there for you. We are praying for you.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by! Did you leave a message?
Please do so I can know you came by.
Gracias!
Salt.

Featured post

Apparently, now, it is not IF, it is WHEN and it breaks my heart

Yes, such is the world we now live in.  It is not a matter of IF your young child will be exposed to pornography in some form or the ...