|And if you are a 'Thinking Person' , you will find it.|
Love you Salt aka. ScarBelly *smiling*
Thursday, 28 November 2013
I Am ScarBelly And I Am Thankful.
I have a thing about wanting to speak to dead people. Not all of them. Just my mom and my uncle Abiye and of course my Pastor Eskor. But want as I may, this skill or talent has eluded me. It's quite distressing though because it is either people are fibbing or I am in the minority in this because I know many people who either speak to or see their dead loved ones in visions and/or dreams. Anyway, on top of this, I am one of those who have always wanted to 'see' God. I mean actually 'see' him or at least a shining light or something. Same thing. Nothing for me in this area. So, for this one, I have just had to be satisfied hearing His voice inside of me and having Faith. The kind of faith that does not dwell on what it sees or feels but on just what it knows out of the Word of God. And you know, for me, that has been Enough.
But I love God because he is always looking to give us more than 'our' enough. So he found a way to give me more than 'my' enough. He knew I always wanted to see Jesus Christ. He knew I always wanted to be able to touch the palm of his hands somehow and look at his scars. So what does he do? He gives me a scar. Now, I see it. Then, as I went through the process, I did not. And even if I had back then, I would have said, No way! I do not want to see his scar THIS bad! It's OK Lord, I believe without seeing. If I have to be this sick and have an appendectomy to SEE them, it's OK. I believe already!
*laughing* I love God so much because he gets me. How can he not? He knew me before I was formed in my mommy's tummy. Anyway, so why am I thankful for the scar that now graces my belly? First and foremost because I can see it. That means I woke up from the surgery during which it was 'created'. If you know me, you know I have a morbid fear of being put to sleep. I tell you, I did not even have time to think about it. Yes, that's how urgent things got. In fact, I stubbornly refused to have it the moment they told me because I was like ' you cannot just walk in here and tell me this and want to wheel me to the OR. I have to think my way to accepting it'. See Jero. But for God my delaying to the next day could have been trouble for me. But Mercy said 'No'. Overnight, I resigned myself to my fate. I wish I could say I was full on faith but it would be a lie. But God did not care. And for that too, I am thankful for that. I am so thankful that God's love for me trumped my unbelief or shall I say my 'fear' that 'this was it'? You must understand that, barring stays for extreme morning sickness during the first trimester of pregnancy, barring being in hospital to give birth, I had never been admitted in a hospital. In fact, I can safely say, I had never been this sick and so I am thankful to be ScarBelly today because to be ScarBelly means Salt is alive. The dead don't talk about scars. Do they?
But you know the biggest reason why I am thankful for my scar? In a way, having my scar is like 'seeing' dead people or seeing Jesus Christ's scars. What do I mean? Remember how Thomas wanted to see the holes in Christ's palms before he could believe? Well, now, somehow, when I run my fingers over my scar I 'see' Jesus Christ and remember the scars in his palms and his feet - the scars he bore for me. To save me and cause me to triumph always and be healed and whole. Yesterday, during my first post-op check up, the Surgeon told me not to worry. That the scar, though raised now, will eventually flatten. I was sad. Sort of. I don't want it to be flat. I want to be able to feel it. Always. So that every time I run my fingers over it, I can 'see' Jesus Christ and be thankful.
I was telling my mgm today that during the two hours they were waiting frantically for me to 'wake up', I 'struggled'. But God was not having any of it obviously so here I am and it feels wonderful. So wonderful to be here for my mgm and my three reasons. I have such a clearer perspective on my life now and while it still hurts to laugh I 'see' now that all of it. ALL of it, all the pain, all the anguish was for my own good and as it all unfolds.....I continue to be thankful to God for all he has done for me and my family. Especially for the serious truth He has sown in my heart as the 'full stop' to all of this: Salt, as Jesus Christ is in this your world, so are YOU.
Do you know what that means? If you do, then you know it calls for some serious Thanksgiving, right? Good, so sing with me, will you?
What shall I say unto you Lord?
All I have to say is 'Thank you Lord!
Thank you Lord. Thank You Lord.
All I have to say is 'THANK YOU LORD!'
P. S. I have photos of 'ScarBelly' and thought of posting one here but it threatened to sue me. So nothing for you o! Lol! Happy Thanksgiving my People. Be thankful where ever you, what ever the situation. Be thankful. Regardless!
P. S. II. Err....no, this does not mean you should begin to call me ScarBelly *smiling* I am still just Salt.
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