|= Unhealthy Black Woman|
Physically & Spiritually
Saturday, 26 October 2013
It's OK To Be Mad
Just don't stay mad.
I have gotten so mad lately. You know when you get so angry your whole body is shaking? Yes, I have gotten that mad since the last time I posted here.
The first time was when some 'funny' little girl working at the airport told me that I had to, on the orders of the Captain, board a flight from Lagos to Lome just because some funnier person in Libreville had failed to re-tag my luggage properly. Here I was back home in Lagos after a week in Gabon, with no luggage, less than 8 hours to another trip away from my family and some woman threatening to have Security 'force' me to get on the plane to Lome because 'the passengers on the Lagos- Lome leg of the flight were losing time and had connections to make'. Oh, how I lost it! Was she trying to say that my life and time was less important than those on the plane or was I hearing things? In the time we had been arguing, someone could have gone to get my bag off the plane already! But no, this lady would rather waste time trying to force me to make an unnecessary trip to Lome to be held in 'custody' till a flight to Lagos was available. In my haze of anger, I was not sure I was hearing right. But I was. I want to believe the Captain could hear me screaming from the tunnel and decided that it would be a risk to try to take off with some angry, black, Naija woman because the next thing I knew, my luggage appeared by my side. Had I not known my rights, that is how they would have bundled me to Lome just like that! I was angry and close to tears all the way home.
The second time was barely hours after this first but I will leave that episode out of this because to be honest. I just don't want to re-live that one. But the third cause for anger really blew me away because I was mostly angry at myself. I was mad at me for not seeing the signs earlier and taking action. There are times when God gives you hints about people but you refuse to listen until you are hit in the gut and left spinning. When someone you thought was 'your person' behaves in a way to leave you feeling so hurt, what do you do? Get even? No, get mad. At least, that is what I did. And I was angry all the way to the end of that day.
But you see I don't thrive well on being mad. My body does not know how to cope with this level of anger and the reaction is almost immediate. For me, anger is a toxin. It poisons my system. The first time I got mad, I had horrid headaches all the way from the airport to my estate and back to the airport again (because I had to catch another flight out that same night). The second time, it was so immediate that I was in shock. True, I knew I had eaten something off but deep down I knew that my anger had something to do with the violent waves of pain racking my body and moving all I had eaten back in the wrong direction out of my mouth! (I know my mgm will read this and wonder how come I did not tell him about this.....love, because you would have panicked...*smiling*)
So I had to get 'un-mad'. I prayed and asked God to help me let go of all the anger so that I could be well in my body. So, true, it is OK to be mad but I have been reminded that being and staying mad is detrimental to my physical well being. I see now that though I might not have complete control over how and when and with what intensity anger might come over me, I DO have control over how long I let it keep that control. I had no control over the lady at the airport. Nor did I have control over my 'frenemy' and the words that came out of her mouth. But one thing is sure. I have control over ME by the power of God's spirit living in and controlling me.
So, it is OK for ME to be mad. But it is not OK for me to stay mad when I know it does my physical and spiritual health harm.
So as my Bible says, I shall not be letting the sun set on my anger.......So help me God.
P. S. Thinking about it, NOW, I am not proud of that screaming like a banshee woman at the airport. Who was that? Me? I hereby state that I know her not. We are not related at all. Lol! True, we are human but in retrospect I am telling myself that even in anger I should comport myself in a manner that would 'add' not take away from who I am in Christ.
P. S II. PapaGod thank you so much for seeing me through 8 flights (16 take-offs and landings and over 25 hours in total in the air). Some people trust in Physics and Aerodynamics. Me, I have no confidence in any of that. I trust in You alone to keep me safe during air travel. Thank you for keeping my home, my family and my life. To you alone be all the glory! I am deeply, deeply grateful!
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