Saturday, 24 November 2012
I Don't Want To Be Like Jesus Anymore.
I mean it. I am done. Done. Done with it! For ages and a time, I have been desperately seeking Christ-likeness but today, I am giving it up.
From my experience, it does not work. Not one bit. How come?
I really don't know but somehow wanting to be 'like' Jesus Christ now seems to be a total waste of my time because that is not what God actually wants from me. I truly get it now. God does not want me to be 'like' his son. He just wants me to die. Period.
Yes, it is not about being like Christ at all. That would suggest that 'the old me' is meant to somehow become like Jesus by some form of magic. I see now (finally!) that the old me is incapable of being like Jesus Christ. The only way to do this walk we are walking is to truly die, like Christ on my own Cross. I lay there for my own 'three days' and then Jesus Christ comes, via his Holy Spirit and takes me over and lives in me. So I am not 'like' Jesus, I am Jesus because the only life in me is his life. I don't know why this boggles my mind so because to be honest, I knew that I am meant to be a walking, talking, Nigerian, female Jesus Christ. What I think is throwing me off is that I thought the way to do that was to be 'like him' and and not actually 'be' him. I am not sure that has ever truly sunk into my medulla obloganta before today.
How come today? Cos I know that if the life I am living now is only cause Jesus Christ lives through me, I would not have been having the thoughts I was having earlier on today. For sure, Jesus Christ would not have felt that way towards anyone no matter what they were doing or saying. You know, its funny, I was reading The Shack Reflections yesterday on the way home ( if you love the book, you will love this cos it is more or less a compilation of all my favourite quotes from the book in a devotional format). I read the words I am about to share from it and this morning, as I lived through a scene in the movie of my life, as I tried to take in what was going on, as I tried to figure out how I could be so misunderstood, as crazy thoughts of what I could/should do raced through my mind, I remembered these words and I kid you not, that is when I had my light bulb moment.
What light bulb moment? The moment when I decided I did not want to be like Jesus Christ anymore.
Here are the words (the words in bracket are my additions):
Jesus Christ to Mack: Seriously, my life was not meant to be an example to copy. Being my follower is not trying to 'be like Jesus', it means ( for you to die) for your independence to be killed. I came to give you life, real life, my life. We (Papa, myself and the Holy Spirit) will come and live our life inside you, so that you may begin to see with our eyes and hear with our ears and touch with our hands and think like we do'
PapaGod, please kill me and take me over. If you don't I just know I am going to keep messing up cos there is no way that I can be Salt in my own power. This life you put me is not beans at all and so far all I keep doing is crashing and burning under the stress of trying to get it right.....by being like Jesus Christ. That sucks cos the real me keeps coming out. So thank you for showing me that it is not about being a Jesus-clone but rather it's about truly, really being a Jesus-container. So Lord, just kill me and take me over and fill me up with yourself. Thank you for being the spine in my back and for loving me. Regardless. Oh, and thank you for W. M. Young and his book, The Shack
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