Saturday, 24 November 2012

I Don't Want To Be Like Jesus Anymore.

I mean it. I am done. Done. Done with it! For ages and a time, I have been desperately seeking Christ-likeness but today, I am giving it up.

From my experience, it does not work. Not one bit. How come?

I really don't know but somehow wanting to be 'like' Jesus Christ now seems to be a total waste of my time because that is not what God actually wants from me. I truly get it now. God does not want me to be 'like' his son. He just wants me to die. Period.

Yes, it is not about being like Christ at all. That would suggest that 'the old me' is meant to somehow become like Jesus by some form of magic. I see now (finally!) that the old me is incapable of being like Jesus Christ. The only way to do this walk we are walking is to truly die, like Christ on my own Cross. I lay there for my own 'three days' and then Jesus Christ comes, via his Holy Spirit and takes me over and lives in me. So I am not 'like' Jesus, I am Jesus because the only life in me is his life.  I don't know why this boggles my mind so because to be honest, I knew that I am meant to be a walking, talking, Nigerian, female Jesus Christ. What I think is throwing me off is that I thought the way to do that was to be 'like him' and and not actually 'be' him. I am not sure that has ever truly sunk into my medulla obloganta before today.

How come today? Cos I know that if the life I am living now is only cause Jesus Christ lives through me, I would not have been having the thoughts I was having earlier on today. For sure, Jesus Christ would not have felt that way towards anyone no matter what they were doing or saying. You know, its funny, I was reading The Shack Reflections yesterday on the way home ( if you love the book, you will love this cos it is more or less a compilation of all my favourite quotes from the book in a devotional format).  I read the words I am about to share from it and this morning, as I lived through a scene in the movie of my life, as I tried to take in what was going on, as I tried to figure out how I could be so misunderstood, as crazy thoughts of what I could/should do raced through my mind, I remembered these words and I kid you not, that is when I had my light bulb moment.

What light bulb moment? The moment when I decided I did not want to be like Jesus Christ anymore.

Here are the words (the words in bracket are my additions):

Jesus Christ to Mack:  Seriously, my life was not meant to be an example to copy. Being my follower is not trying to 'be like Jesus', it means ( for you to die) for your independence to be killed. I came to give you life, real life, my life. We (Papa, myself and the Holy Spirit) will come and live our life inside you, so that you may begin to see with our eyes and hear with our ears and touch with our hands and think like we do'

PapaGod, please kill me and take me over. If you don't I just know I am going to keep messing up cos there is no way that I can be Salt in my own power.  This life you put me is not beans at all and so far all I keep doing is crashing and burning under the stress of trying to get it being like Jesus Christ. That sucks cos the real me keeps coming out. So thank you for showing me that it is not about being a Jesus-clone but rather it's about truly, really being a Jesus-container. So Lord, just kill me and take me over and fill me up with yourself. Thank you for being the spine in my back and for loving me. Regardless. Oh, and thank you for W. M. Young and his book, The Shack


  1. The title freaked me out, I had to rush over for Rescue Mission. Thank God for giving us the grace to be him. To carry Jesus in us, the hope of glory.

    1. Hmmmm.... Eya, being something I had wanted to be for so long, just try and imagine how freaked out I was when that light bulb went off in my head! I was in such a spaced out place, filled with so much anger at myself.....thankfully God told me to get over myself and move on.....I have. I am. Moving on.

  2. When I saw the title I was like "what??"
    But seriously, this post has made me to start seeing things differently..
    "So Lord, just kill me and take me over and fill me up with yourself"

    May God help us.

    1. Amen....I am happy it got you seeing/thinking ay.....I promise you....all day, that is all I have been saying.....I want to live from the inside out.

  3. I loved the expressions 'Jesus-clone' and 'Jesus-container' Too true
    God bless you for this and may you continue to be filled with the Spirit

    1. Oh AMEN Nil. AMEN for me, for you and for anyone else out there that is sick and tired of rules and regulations and seeks true relationship with God.

  4. As in.... u know this too was in my mind one time like that and wen I read d shack,the bulb lit up..add Watchman Nee's Sit Walk Stand to it and you'll see everything in a new light...I was in awe wen I realized this..
    We were nt meant to like Jesus but we were meant to be the Jesus that walks on d earth..He said "a light on a hill cannot be hid." Meaning,you can't carry Jesus inside u and it won't be that obvious fr ppl to see and know that you're his adopted child. Jesus was just the first born, we are the other children after him cos we cry abba father. That's the awesome thing God has done and we've wasted so much time and stress trying to be and do like Jesus. Its just like a drowning man. You can't save him wen he kips struggling to get himself out and so he'll drown. But to save him, he has to calm down and relax and trust his savior to draw him out of the water..that's what Salvation is all abt..its nt abt working, but dying and letting God take over. He has done it already. When he died those yrs ago, I died in him, when he rose, we rose. The bible puts this in past tense fr us to realize its been done. Its finished. We don't have to walk first, but Sit in d father just as He made man on d last day after creating all, and that is wen we can walk in Him and hereafter Stand against d enemy..
    Its weird, lool, I know but God as usual is a God of mystery.
    Christ our life
    For me to live is Christ, for me to die is gain...
    When Christ our life shall appear
    if u can get Watchman nee's books Salt,pls do. That man was a wonder in his writings.
    God bless u fr this.

    1. Watchman Nee!!!!! I love his writing. I read a book of his long time ago and I know exactly what you mean.....I shall for sure get this one you have just suggested now. SIT, WALK, STAND....I tell you I am already stirred up. Just like WM Paul Young.... I am sure I can order it off amazon, abi? Is hall look it up at once. Thanks Sugar spring! God bless too!!!!

      Yes, am done drowning, but it is so hard trying not to save myself.......since I did that blog I have been telling God over and over, kill me, so I can chill and stop fighting to prove anything to you. You have called me Salt and salt I am in you! Shikena. It is not by works. It is so funny how we know this stuff but still manage to let the enemy use people to throw us off!!!!

  5. This is an amazing perspective. It lightens the burden, just like Jesus Christ promised. We all know it is hard for us to be like some mortal man or woman walking on this earth, so of course it will be even more difficult to be like Jesus. This is a revelation.

    If I can not be like Oprah, not that I would want to be like her but what makes me think I can be like Jesus.
    I want to be Jesus.

    Thanks for sharing, I know this type of writing takes boldness and I thank God for your boldness in Him.

  6. You nailed it. It lightens the burden. It' is still a struggle though so something in us wants to earn God's love and blessings. It was tough realizing that I was, after all the time, still missing it. But better a fool now than a fool forever, abi? Thank God he allows u-turns.

    There is so much about God that we truly need to hear from him direct and that is why I pray that after people read this they will STILL go back to God and hear from him for that he can guide each of us according to his plan and purpose for each of us. We are all unique and his plans for us are just as unique.

  7. I can't recommend The Shack enough!!

    1. If I could, I would buy loads of copies and give one to everybody I meet. I actually did that when I first read it. I gave a copy to people who bought the 2010 Diary. At my last book read, I gave out copies to early birds. But the ultimate would be to just have a stash in my house and just sow them into lives......I cannot see how you could read this book, remember what it says and not be a better person in Christ.


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