Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Have You Ever?

Just wanted to crawl into a tiny ball and turn out all the lights and wish the world will just go away for a bit?

Just sowed a seed towards something and then bam! something happens that totally engulfs your faith and tries to snuff its lights out? Make you just want to scream at the top of your lungs?

Been in that place where you wonder why you bother with walking this walk with God cos it really does look like some undoable feat? One minute all is well with you and the world and the next, the kaka hits the fan!

Wanted to smack someone so hard for not understanding that just because you write about being holy and encourage people to walk in the light as best they can does not mean that you are above reproach yourself?

Wondered why people call you a fraud and a hyprocrite when you sin just because you use your 'voice' and for some other person, he or she is just being 'human'? How does blogging or pushing people to be the best they can be in Christ somehow make me less human? And by the way, who died and made you the judge of me?

Been just sick and tired of people refusing to see that you too, no matter if you preach or write or blog or win souls or sing in choir, are still working out your salvation with fear and trembling?

Wondered why it is the people you care about the most that have the ability to hurt you the deepest? And at the wrongest times too? *kissing my teeth*

If you have ever wondered any of the above then you know exactly how I am feeling right now. Angry. Miserable, defeated and wanting to 'faint'

But I will not.

Like Pastor Eddy Long said in the movie  'Daddy's Little Girls'  when that time comes and you feel you have reached your limit and all you want to do is faint: Don't faint. Hold on. Take a deep breath. Keep quiet. Be still.

Cos, it is then, right there where it seems darkest, that your dawn is about to break.

*exhaling*

All I can say is that this dawn better be blindingly bright cos things are looking pretty dark around me today. It is like I am having a reverse Elijah experience. At least, he had his mountain top experience BEFORE his attack!

I don't know how but somehow, by the special grace of God, when tomorrow comes rolling by I shall be standing, smiling and signing my books at my very first book signing event at Laterna!

Have you ever wondered how come, no matter how bad  you feel, no matter how tired you are, you still manage to get up and move on?

I have too and my answer to that one is simple. It is just mercifully 'the God in me'.

And in him, I am Salt.

Regardless of what anyone says.

11 comments:

  1. Please ma, take it easy. Tomorrow will be a shiny day

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen @ilola. So it will be cos God will ordain it to be so.

      Delete
  2. Word! That's all I can say! Word!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fear not! Like David your valley is where your giants have come to die. Victory is in your hands.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen! I like that. And this one died alright. Praise God! Thanks Yvonne!

      Delete
  4. Please oh don't faint, we need you to keep writing these amazing blog posts. I totally understand you. People will be people, they just don't get it yet, their own turn will come when the people who look up to them will question their own motives. Hope they are living for God sha.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good evening ma, well done. Please, check this link out

    http://atilola.blogspot.com/2012/10/book-signing-of-diary-of-deaperate.html

    ReplyDelete
  6. I feel you. And somtimes I've actually lashed out back screaming 'hey am human with feelings too'.

    You won't faint. You are strong. Stronger than I've been I think.
    And you are Salt.

    ReplyDelete
  7. amen! I shall not faint... i'll hold on till my dawn breaks! thank you!

    ReplyDelete

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