Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Mrs. Gaska, My Panadol-Valium Combo.

My Panadol-Valium Combo, Mrs. Gaska
I am an intro/extrovert. I like people but I also like being on my own. As I have said before, I can do the people crowd thing but I am also very alright in my own space doing my own thing with the only sound around being the sound of my thoughts dropping plop! plop! into my soul. I am very OK with that. I love to make people laugh but I am a guru at laughing all by myself and I do it quite often. I have a very sunny personality but God, I and those who know me very well also know that I can be very moody and dark. Very. But for Jesus in my life, I would be locked up somewhere very secure and very sound proof. Yes, but for Jesus.

And but for Mrs. Gaska.

Many times situations take me to places where I question myself and my right to be here. Many times, I wonder why God loves me or even cares. Many times, I wonder when the game will be up and my shame will be revealed. Many times, I wonder when this nightmare I call life will end. At those times, I read my bible, the same line over and over again and I see nothing. And then God comes and says to me. I love you, I sent my son to die for you. I know you know and appreciate this truth but right now, I need to prove it to you some more. I need you to call my daughter, your sister.

Yes, call Mrs. Gaska

You see God is like that. True, my significance is tied to Him but he knows that, apart from my kids and my mgm, the one other human being  in the world that has the ability to (always, always) make me feel ''worthy'' and good with myself, regardless, is my sister. This woman is my sister-child and I know she loves me like no other. I am not sure it occurs to her to see wrong in me even when it is there. Don't get me wrong. She knows wrong from right but her love for me is that strong. She would never condone wrong but she will always condone me. Cos I am her sister. Her sister-mom. On nights when I cannot sleep. On nights when migraines hit deep. After I pop a prescribed pill or two and they don't work, I pop another pill or two. These too are prescribed but from above. I look at each one. On it, I see "'Love, just because''

That's Mrs. Gaska. She is my panadol-valium combo. Any time 't' where 't' is unknown.

She is my sister and she  loves me just because and some days that is all I need. To just be loved. Just because. When you do something and no one says 'well done' or you go out and no one says 'welcome' and no matter what you do, only the wrong is remembered, then you need a sister like mine. Who will just pick your call and let you know you are loved. A sister who with every laugh at your old jokes and every sympathetic sigh and every nod (albeit over the phone) of understanding lifts you up to that place where you are able to remember that in spite of it all, you are truly blessed. A sister whose words take away your migraine and help you sleep. A sister like mine.Her name is Shola.

But I like to call her Mrs. Gaska cos it just sounds so "From Russia with Love-ish"

Mrs. Gaska, the face of the 2011 Diary.

I had a good day today. Spent it talking to a group of teens about being wise in a world gone wild and how to figure out a career path. I did it to sow seed into the lives of these kids and please God. I guess I did cos the enemy would not even let me enjoy the good feelings that come with that so he had to mess with me right after. I am not sure where it came from but by the time I got home, my head was pounding and I could barely stand. I had a shower, had a meal and took my drugs. They did not work.

So I called Mrs. Gaska and now I feel human again, glory to God.

No doubt about it, my sister is my pick me upper and I am thankful to God for making her a part of my life. We always argue about who is blessing who the most. Since I am older, I put my foot down to declare that God brought her into my life to make it better. Yes, God brought Mrs. Gaska into my life to be, amongst other things, my panadol-valium combo.

And for that and much more, I am thankful to my PapaGod.


6 comments:

  1. Uchay Ifediniru Onuakalusi23 August 2012 at 07:28

    I so relate DNW. We all need a Mrs Gaska for those times.......

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    Replies
    1. Yes we do Uchay. Yes we do. It is through them, that God becomes even more real.....

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  2. This just brings tears to my eyes. I knew Shola loved you passionately cuz she just won't shout up about you.lol. just never realized that you loved her just as passionately.I don,t know how you are pulling through this difficult times,i can only go to God in prayers for you...

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    Replies
    1. I think my friends would say them same...before I got married and had my own children, all I talked about was Sholly.......

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  3. God will strengthen you and the rest of the family in this very difficult time. I am indeed happy you celebrated her a whole lot while she was here with us. That will always bring smile upon your face because you loved her with all opportunities presented to do so. Please continue to push her case until it gets to the right authorities. May God grant you and your family the strength to weather this stormy period. Amen

    ReplyDelete

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